I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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