what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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