Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Alive.
So much puke
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
