I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
