True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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