Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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