I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
