What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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