Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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