Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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