I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
