We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He felt like a one man threesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
