If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
