Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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