in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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