Pappa wants mamma naked
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Farmville is her only friend.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
