The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
