i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
