glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
