i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
