I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
