for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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