Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
