part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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