I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
