why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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