There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
