I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
