brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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