Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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