i think my tv is drunk
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
