in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
