I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
