Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
