i jhust puked up my retainher.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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