she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
