Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
