I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
