So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
