Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
