foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
