I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
