I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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