and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
