I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
