Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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