how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
