next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
