I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
