Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
