As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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