That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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