I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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