Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
