Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
